...yes or no? yes or no? heads or tails? yes or no? god....i dont know. yes.
but then. no. yes? no?
pros and cons.

in a completely unrelated matter:
in two weeks i will have finnished all of my assignments. ALL OF THEM. then i have no more....for a while- then i go to uni, but im sure thats different. im assured it is...

im not sure what to make of the whole cliche of my life being ahead of me and such...ugh!
"my life is just one big cliche"

yes?

Hmmm. what has happened of interest lately? not much. I HAVE PAIN KILLERS.....MWAHAHAHA! ahh, i am quite opposed to drug, as they have a sever tendancy of destroying people's lives, but damn they do a good job!

no?

flipping the coin is a great way of deciding whether or not you should do somthing, etc. and the reason why it is so effective is because if you flip it, and do not like the outcome, you know that you really want the other, and so you can do it in good conscious. however, it is flawed. when you flip the coin, "heads" and say "once more" you get the other, "tails" and say "best two out of three" (you continue flipping "best 3 out of 5" and so on) you are still completely confused, undecided and convinced that god is just playing you for the fool you really are.

so people say, "ask yourself a question relating to it, and the answer that immedialty pops out of your mouth is the true answer to your question". again, a flaw when nothing comes out of your mouth, or worse: "noyes" or WORSE: "djndjgnf".

so you write a list of pros and cons, mentaly of course, and you can think of no pros, or no cons. but you are still convinced you should or should not. logic says no, everyotherfrickenthing says yes.

another way i determine what i want is by asking one of my two closest, and most oppostie of friends. depending on the one i ask advice from, i will know what i want, because i can usually make an educated guess as to what they will say.

so you ask them BOTH, being completely undecided. they both say what you were expecting them to say, the opposite of one another. or WORSE: the opposiet of what they would normally say- effectivly swapping personalities for the conversation.

so you talk to people. of all classes, ages, sexes, religions, ethnic backgrounds, spots, and they all say somthing different. or WORSE: there is an even number of people saying "yes" and "no".

so you say to all of them "but what do i do (explaining the ethical crisis- or whatever it may be)?" and they say "i dont know". or WORSE: "its up to you- flip a coin"

so the horrible process starts all over again. i guess deep down you always know. its just getting that deep that is the problem. i like to think i know myself quite well. a lot better then what the vast majority of the world knows me- and yet, my dilema remains a dilema, and my question frustratingly unanswered.