Life is simply lovely if you are simple enough to love it

Where no man treads

2006-11-07T11:20:00.000+11:00

well. it really has been a long time. half a year. yeap thats a long time. well, ive had my birthday and was endowed with a ring, another ring, some tickets(which i forgot to use....?) and several other gifts of significance, and brilliance. So now all i do is stud. i just finished my second exam, two down... one to go. LEarning and Memeory... it will be the hardest. besides that nothing much happens. I got a HD for an essay, a D for antoher assignment and various Cs and Ds for exams and such. its all quite marvellous... yes. i am happy.

ive not much more to say.
im going exploring... in my room. where no man treads, where it is predicted that several nomadic comunities will be discovered. i shall train them in Christian ways (ie wipe them out).. yes im cleaning my room

byebye

its a question of love

2006-05-14T12:48:00.000+10:00

i know, i know. i should blog more often. This is the only way i can really taslk to you isnt it? I miss you...you miss me sometimes dont you? You know exactly who "you" are dont you? hehehe. ahhh back in the day eh?
well im doing well, you were wondering weren't you? of course you were, you wouldnt go out of your way just to read this if you weren't, now would you?
how are things with you? your home, your family? i miss you, but you knew that didnt you? i love you...but then, of course, you knew that too? im sure you did. i did tell you before i left didnt i?
ill be home soon my dear. did you knw that? have i told you? we can meet up yes? id like to, and i think you would too? id like to think so. how is study? the big one eh?
ahhh, my wonderful thingy. ha. my most wonderful thingy. you ARE wonderful you know?
mmmm
you are most wonderful

"and what it all comes down to is that everthing's gonna be fine fine fine...coz i got one hand in my pocket, and the other on is playing a piano."

im going to set you free......

2006-04-29T10:02:00.000+10:00

again, i have not blogged for an eternity.
i cannot think of somthing to say......im going to get the internet at home (now that i live in town) and that means i can put my little pictures up too. I miss my little pictures.
i live in town. that it good. i have two housemates. Matt, and Nathan. They are pretty cool kinda guys really. good times and all that. Made friends with Nath's girl: Kristy, she, also, is pretty cool.
you know what i havnt done in a while? i havnt written like, something made up. like i used to. i might try to now....

i speak the truth. i want to drag you right through your pain. I want to watch you, i want to hold you. I want you to know. You know. I want to set you free. I want you to be the best. i want to tear up all you fear. i want to live in your heart. I live in your heart. I want you to be happy. You make me happy. You live in my heart. You tear up all i fear. You make me the best. You set me free. You let me know. You hold me, you watch me. You drag me through my pain. You speak the truth.

wow. that was bad. i stole a good 25% from morcheeba. meh. thats my effort for now.

lovelovelove

Alexi

2006-04-11T22:09:00.000+10:00

he's sitting on the computer....whatching me type...nodding his head as the tapping of the keys wobble the desk. funny little smirk on his face....and the bling around his little neck. he is green. he'll just sit there till i move him. and nod till the world is still. and agreeable little thing. he is green. his name is Alexi. he's got a funny little tail that curls slightly , just sightly....and it is green too....if i were to knock him off the computer, his head would fall off. he is green. Alexi, the Green.

IM BACK

2006-04-10T18:10:00.000+10:00

well im going to try and keep this up to date....just for you?? maybe. but ill try

anyway

so im moving tomorrow. into a house. of boys....a house of two boys and me. hooray.
close enough to town to walk where i wanna get and maybe get a job?? "YES" shouts sarah....heheheh

anyway
last night we went to the beach, built a fire, dranks some wine and wtched the waves and the stars...
dont really need to say enything about it do i?? perfect...mmmm

not much has happened, so ill post when somthing does ok?

tidle-ee-dee potato

2006-03-17T19:50:00.000+11:00

its funny, the things that you come up with in your dreams.
sometimes they are good, and you learn. sometimes they are bad, and you learn.
kinda like when you meet new people huh.

HA
anyway
im going

snort

2006-03-02T20:14:00.000+11:00

i love all of you

i miss home

tehehehehehhee...how do you spell a snort?
think about it.

lovelovelove

life is simply lovely.......

2006-02-08T15:13:00.000+11:00

id like to think that i have done several series of good things in this world over the last few weeks...though somhow i think id be lieing to myself.
I did however, send a letter to my scout, a parcel to a long lost friend and some loving in a completetly different direction..

the visitors information service is neither informative, nor is it very good service.

its my dads birthday tomorrow, and im not home for the first time ever.

i dont have time, im going to finnish drinking my espresso and then im going to catch the bus, home...yes, to MY home. and cook me some dinner with MY food

i miss you all so much.

Neon Genesis

2006-01-30T18:21:00.000+11:00

ive move out of home.
its beautiful.
i fall asleep to the sound of waves.
even though i know that no one is going to come in and bid me a good morning...or jump on me screaming.
i enjoy it very much
im going to university in two weeks.
im looking forward to having somthing to think about again...something to focus on.

its all so new

new beginings

because life is short but sweet for certain

2006-01-14T12:50:00.000+11:00

happy new year
all that

yay

anyway

whats news?

well, thanks to pok ive discovered flickr...its pretty cool. GO TO! www.flickr.com

also, im moving in a few weeks. yay.

also, im so estatically happy, things could not get better, im starting to get suspicious...but enjoy the ride i guess. i havnt blogged for a long ime, due to no internet etc.
life is just so cool, and love is just so cool and everything rocks pretty hard core.

Say, my love, I came to youWith best intentionsYou laid down and gave to me just whatI’m seekingLove, you drive me to distractionHey my love do you believe that weMight last a thousand yearsOr more if not for this? Our flesh and blood it tiesYou and me right upTie me downCelebrate we willBecause life is short but sweet for certainWe’re climbing two by twoTo be sure these days continue,These things we cannot changeHey, my love, you came to me likeWine comes to this mouthGrown tired of water all the timeYou quench my heart and youQuench my mindCelebrate we willBecause life is short but sweet for certainWe’re climbing two by twoTo be sure these days continue,The things we cannotCelebrate, you and me, climbingTwo by two, to be sureThese days continue, things we cannot changeOh, my love, I came to youWith best intentionsYou laid down and gave to me just whatI’m seekingCelebrate we willBecause life is short but sweet for certainWe’re climbing two by twoTo be sure these days continue,Things we cannot change...Things we cannot change

my love you drive me to distraction...these things we cannot change

Fairy tale of New York

2005-12-22T07:34:00.000+11:00

its seven thirty, in the morning. yes. im awake...not thats the wrong word to use...im UP.
Also, i was up till twelve thirty making shortbead bikkies. YES. baking.
Also, i am going to Sydney tonight. Yes. the night train. That so swetly involves sitting next to some weird lismore guy (you know with no teeth, a jack daniels t-shirt, thongs...) and not being able to read, because they turn the lights off. It also involves freezing my ass of, as they tunr the air conditioning UP, when the lights go out...of course my butt gets cold, but worse then that you cant get comfortable. you dont want to have your arm or leg hanging over aywhere near the Jonny Spitts character next to you, you start to fall asleep, you think, "yeah, now im good", and your butt comes into contact under the arm-rest, with a hard, luke warm butt, that is attached to Jonny. You are both awake, you both know it has happned, all you can do is cringe and suffer the 12 hour long silence, or until one of you get off.

yes. i love christmas.
Im gonna miss you.

kitty and seaweed.

2005-12-17T11:26:00.000+11:00

my cat (at mums), whos name is possum, eats nori. and no with the rice and all, just the sheets....dry sheets of seaweed. ha, thats funny.

also i passed maths!

also...um....yeah.

HA.
you should read roverandom...by tolkien

till i saw the stars and no longer feared hell.

2005-12-11T14:44:00.000+11:00

i dont know why i persist. i think i just like to blog, though noone can appreciate it. hmm, to post or not to pst, that is the question. my devoted commentors seem to have abandoned me, even Mr Anon.

i was in pain. it shuddered right through me. i was fine, for a while, and then all of a sudden i could not walk, or breath. I could see black and white specks dancing around as white light shot through my body into my brain and burnt it till it knew i had to be made to scream. i got up to walk it off. a little groggy yes, but it was bareable. then i it moved over me. my legs gave out, and it was such a sudden knock that i couldnt even scream as i hit the ground. i couldnt breath at all. then it subsided enough for me to breath in and scream out. the tears streamed and the air was thick and the pain was thicker and had i the stregnth i would have ended it. drugs did little but make me through up. i was dieing. i dramatise it not. i call it PMS. Pain Much Sucks.

sing

2005-12-07T14:54:00.000+11:00

well,
the night of our formal we (Rachel, Jessica my sister, and I) were stopped by a very drunk woman we were reasonably scared, for a good reason she was off her tits, and then she started to yell at us that we shouldnt be scared of her coz she was aboriginal, and we tried to tell her that that had nothing to do with it, just the fact she was very drunk and very intimidating and up in Rachels face and was slapping her arm. but i cant be bothered to go into detail...

anyway so im like working for bloody Kirby now. Sigh

i doorknock for $6/hr with $50 commission and i will be booking girl for $12/hr with $15 commission

umm

i dunno

i dont know why i bother.

the swan song

2005-11-26T21:46:00.000+11:00

well i graduated lastnight.
it was a wonderful occcaison and i looked really hot.(hehehe)

sad but,

ive all of two hours sleep, so ill post about my rather weird night later.

it involved Skunkhour, drunken women and pink bubbly

my mind is blown

2005-11-15T20:25:00.002+11:00

hey la lala hey la lala.
mmm
i have nothing to do.
its weird coz i keep thinking "oh no! i have to...." then remember that ther is nothing that i "have to..."
its all over. i havnt got my formal dress yet either. isnt that terrible!
oh well.

i mananged to find a george elliot book, Silas Marner, that i have been looking for for a while. its a '20s addition....Guess how much......one dollar. it made my day. i was chuffed.
(im such a loser), but i thought it was VERY exciting indeed.

i just happen to know many things about you. you like to do things. and those things you enjoy. yes, i am a mind reader. yes, i know you. yes i stalk you. you can tell coz i happen to know that you like to eat, and drink (occaisionally) and that you rarely have time to watch tv. and i know more then you think, and you can tell because of all the things i can tell you about yourself. see, i happen to know that you wash farely regularly, and though you cant help it, you are never as organised as much as you should like to be. and though you dont know it, i dare say that there is still more that i know about you. you like to smile, and there are specific things that make you laugh right from your belly, and those things are a little too rare. and there are people who know exactly how to make you cry....and they know it. but you cant help but love them anyway. coz you know exactly how to make them cry. funnly old world....
hmm. weird....we have a lot in common.

it was funny today. i was downtown, drinking a banana and strwaberry smoothie from filling groovey (wich isnt filling groovey any more) and i was stopped by a man, perhaps in his mid-twenties. he started the coversation by flattery, proclaiming how good it was to see pretty people out being healthy and walking and drinking fruit things....he then proceeded to begin the heart wrenching blurb about the starving children (good on him). after i explained to him that i couldnt give him my contact details so that he could register me up so i could receive a package in three to four months because i wouldnt be in the area that long due to moving to coffs for university, he looked a little taken aback and said "so you are under 21". i laughed and saig "yes, just turned 18" to which he replied "JESUS! i thought you were 23 or somthing?!?!!? WOW!"
i just laughed and walked away. pfffft 23?!?! i hardly look 15. still, it was nice to hear that im not runtlike to all people. but he was spunky.

yes well, i suck the metaphorical balls tonight, so im going now.
goodnight
hey la lala hey la lala

see the balck cat changing colours

2005-11-11T23:10:00.000+11:00

well, im 18 and free now. thats exciting,

apparently the problem with idiomatic language is that you dont reconise your own. so in reviewing my blog, im going to find it very hard to make a "mitchell friendly" entry....i cant see what i can do to fix it. sorry. youll just have to tell me what it is you dont understand....or become my best friend.

anyway.

i treaded myself to some music for my birthday and for finishing school (yay).
i got cello concerti from Vivaldi (yayay)
i also got Dave Mathew's Band live in central park tripple cd for 25 bucks (stoked)
so thats all very exciting. i have decided that probably the driving force behind this particular band is the wonmderfully poetic lyrics...however, they are, at times, hard to catch, so other then that i would say its the drummer. he's quite excellent.

anyway. ummmm i cant think of anything else to say. i went to a play tonight...."Guards! Gaurds!", a play by terry pratchet...or somthing. it wasnt bad.
pok was nobby...the character...(....)
well if you are happy, im glad, if your not, you should be, and if you are unsure you should take copious amounts of drugs and watch the stars...by the end you'll know that you are unhappy and that your next mission is to remedy this situation.

im sleepy.

drunken clowns with hepatitis

2005-10-21T13:49:00.000+10:00

ok, i dont really know what to talk about, but i havnt said anything for a while....and silences are only good if everythings has been said. i dont think that everything has been said...i just dont know how to say it...and i dont think that "everything" is a good enough word for it all.

ive finnished english forever now....no more classes and no more exams....how exciting.

ummm what else should i say? something cryptic perhaps? i suck balls at that.
im 18 soon. that will be fun i spose. three months and i move away; thats good too i spose.

i need somthing interesting to talk about. nothing interesting happens in my life. now to contradict myself, as usual, somthing interesting not only in THE world but in MY world everyday. i seriously doubt anyone reading this would find it interesting. people dont know what to comment on my blog, and at first i thought that maybe it was everyone i know dont know how to say what they mean, especially about me...i have changed this hypothesis and have decided that it probably has a lot to do with the fact that i dont say anything worthy of your most humble comment. "when you dance you have a way with me, sway with me"

i want to meet Alexcander McQueen.
i want to be vivaldi
i want to hear rebecca del rio
i want to smell christopher doyle
i want to be with you, coz i miss you

yeah, annalise's wish list

MATTO!!!

2005-10-16T09:12:00.000+10:00

this blog is for matto.
i miss you too. yes, you are on my list of people who i am going to kiddnap and take to coffs with me. i am living in the vain hope that you might just decide to move anyway...shorten the jail term.... ;)
deep spaces, dark looks, its hard when these are inside. kiddo, i love you, and im here for you always ok? dont apologise for talking to me....its what im for.
you dont know what you've got till its gone....thats the best line i can use to describe my thoughts at the moment. DONT BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! ill try and think of a way to fix those cracks in your head and heart. Gaffa Tape? anyway, ill fix it.

and because you know im here, but far away you cant help but miss me more. and you know the distance will try and change me, and you and our friendship and heartfelt devotion. and you know that im here. and you know what we've said. and you have your secrets, and i have mine. and we have ours...and they are ours. its ok. im still here. im not leaving. you're not leaving. come with me. we'll be our own wandering stars.....

its ok....call me sometime....love you kiddo...yeah i really miss you too
xoxoxxo
love anarisu

its in his kiss

2005-10-05T11:14:00.000+10:00

this is all i blog. nonsense verses in which i wax lyrical....and then recieve comments from those selling somthing...namely penis pills.
this is all i do.

he's sitting on the edge of the bed. he's not happy. his lover...theres something missing. the sex is great. his lover and he, they enjoy each other. the company the talking the laughing the jokes. his lover is attractive....all his friends agree. but hes not happy. they had a fight. it was about that other guy. greg. he is jealous of greg. his lover spends too much time with greg.
he hates it when they go to bed angry. his lover stirs. he watches as his lovers body shifts, trying to get comfortable again. his lover really is beautiful. he knows his lover cares for him. he knows he REALLY cares for his lover. its just Greg. greg is always there, comming up in conversation. his lover likes to spend time with greg too. he wants to be the only one who spends time with his lover. he looks again at his lover, sleeping. he stretches out next to him. he falls to sleep again. he knows that Kevin and greg are just friends. he just gets a little protective sometimes.

i need somthing to talk about. this is just stupid.

wishing that you knew

2005-10-04T20:05:00.000+10:00

its october.
its christy's birthday.
its my birthday in 27 days. ill be 18.

i dont know what to say. perhaps i shall make another installment of nonsence blogs by annalise. yes thats what ill do

while she lies down, she thinks of the last time she saw you. you watched her, as she walked past you. you watched her as she laughed and you saw her the last time she cried. and you watched and you did not talk, and you did not move and you did not think she saw you watching.
she saw. she watched you out of the corner of her laughing eyes, through her tears as she begged for help. and the lst time she saw you, you cried. you watched, walk past one last time, and you kissed her goodnight on her cheek in your mind, and you wish she knew it, and you walked away. and you miss her, and you thought she didint know.
while she lies down she remebers the last time she saw you. her hand moves across her cheek, touching the spot you kissed. wishing that you knew.

im done.

the demon dies and the angel cries, for laughing would be cruel

2005-09-30T10:44:00.000+10:00

remember. remember the warmth. smile and remember the softness, the closness. Breath deep and remember the warmth of kiss, the softness of cheek, the closness of hands.

smile.

you see them there dancing. they beckon you to join, but you cant. you cant tear your eyes away, away from them. you cant get up and dance that way. you sit. you watch. you can see them there swaying and smiling. you can see me.

smile.

and saints and pilgrims and nymphs and demonds and angels and clowns, they watch. and i can see. and they allwatch me. and the saints move on pilgrimages and the demonds dance like sprites and they angles wear a nose, not unlike a clown. and you see these things and you only see me. and you dont understand. a sin? a smile? a devil? a smile?

smile.

close your eyes, a see me now. you see me and i dance and you see me. you can see me smile wickedly and you see me pray and beg for more. close your eyes and smile and see me walk away.

smile

and yo can feel the warth and you can taste the soft and you can love the closness and you watch the demons dance with angels and laugh like a clown and you can see the saints walking with the prilgrim and you cannot tell which is which. and you close your eyes and you breath deep and the memories fire, rhythms fall slow.

smile

lover

2005-09-30T00:00:00.000+10:00

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mournersParading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with waterAnd maybe I’m too young to keep good love from going wrongBut tonight you’re on my mind so you never knowWhen I’m broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed itWhere are you tonight, child you know how much I need itToo young to hold on and too old to just break free and runSometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his funAnd much too blind to see the damage he’s doneSometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-oneSo I’ll wait for you... and I’ll burnWill I ever see your sweet returnOh will I ever learnOh lover, you should’ve come over’cause it’s not too lateLonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain inBurning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with himMy body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never comeIt’s never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulderIt’s never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against herIt’s never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughterIt’s never over, she’s the tear that hangs inside my soul foreverWell maybe I’m just too youngTo keep good love from going wrongOh... lover, you should’ve come over’cause it’s not too lateWell I feel too young to hold onAnd I’m much too old to break free and runToo deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I’ve doneSweet lover, you should’ve come overOh, love well I’m waiting for youLover, you should’ve come over’cause it’s not too late....

this one too...maybe moreso then the last. i guess you could say i just like the album...grace.

kiss me, please kiss me, kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation

2005-09-29T23:49:00.000+10:00

This is our last goodbyeI hate to feel the love between us dieBut it’s overJust hear this and then I’ll goYou gave me more to live forMore than you’ll ever knowThis is our last embraceMust I dream and always see your faceWhy can’t we overcome this wallWell, maybe it’s just because I didn’t know you at allKiss me, please kiss meBut kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolationYou know it makes me so angry ’cause I know that in timeI’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbyeDid you say ’no, this can’t happen to me,’And did you rush to the phone to callWas there a voice unkind in the back of your mindSaying maybe you didn’t know him at allYou didn’t know him at all, oh, you didn’t knowWell, the bells out in the church tower chimeBurning clues into this heart of mineThinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memoriesOffer signs that it’s over... it’s over

i love that song....jeff buckley.

well. yeah. dont get me wrong...its not how im feeling....i just really like the song.

wandering star

2005-09-29T15:00:00.000+10:00

wandering star, for whom it is reserved: the blackness, the darkness forever.

i think that i should let go...i will breath through this mess, like a fool.
in DND you can be a pseudodragon....i have no idea what that is, but you can be one. i remebered my alter ego yesterday...i had to send him back to ireland coz he got in the way a lot.
his name was toby finnigan. he was a bath-stirrer...i think i miss him. i had to put on my irish accent at theatre sports last night, for an audition piece...it was fun, but i found it hard to do it on the spot...ive got to grow out of the shyness... theatre sports is over...this is sad....the stars split to wander the darkness...
nobody loves me, its true....not like you doi dont know what to say. i have to learn how to kiddnap people....i have a list of people to kiddnap, and take to cofs with me. "ill think about it" is the male equivalent of "no" isnt it? i had a feeling it might be. how heartbraking.

the blackness the darkness forever

give me a reason to love you.....move over and give it some room....through this new frame of mind, a thousand flowers could bloom.....

i like portishhead.

i need to cry more. i dont smile enough.

wandering star....im a wandering star, the blackness the darkness forever.

feeler

2005-09-21T20:03:00.000+10:00

im very lonely at the moment. and i dont know why.
im sad. i fisnnish school in less then 48 hours. thats not long at all. not tomorrow, but the next day. after the formal, there are so many people im not going to see, ever again. and whats worse is that we dont have a huge class....19 people, we are all really close.

life goes on.

im feeling a little wierd actually...not even chemical brothers is making me feel better.

on the plus side i have tickets to the ben lee concert...SPANK ME THATS GOING TO BE GOOD...im quite excited about it actually

but yeah. i dont know. i think im just sad. its a big thing, i think to be suddnely spat out into the world and expected to fucntion... i dont know much really
i dont even know why im bothering with this.

its funny how a distance makes missing someone worse....

"where are you now? coz im kissing you"

2005-09-16T14:19:00.000+10:00

im bored

someone help me

what should i do with me?

blue in the face...kicking and screaming

2005-09-11T09:08:00.000+10:00

apparently, it is nigh on impossible to comment on my blog.
i am told, by quite a reliable source, that, although its a good read, there really isnt anything to say. how depressing. i could always find somthing interesting to talk about, somthing comment worthy, but that would require me to tell everyone all of my secrets....and we cant be having that now can we?!?!?!?

so now i have to try and think about how to write things that are thought provoking. things that make you think about stuff, then coment about said stuff. ok. well, i dont really feel like going on some bitching session about how terribly revolting our world is, how far society has crumbled in the past 18 years, or how fat we are getting....its kinda ... depressing, and i figure, that unless you can write about it in a truly "f@#$ you" manner (like some people i know...ie mitchell) then there really isnt any point.

so maybe i could write about...yeah..see...i dont know.

you people are just going to have to comment about what i write...surely at least ONE of you have a thought about what i say.
im talking to you Matt!!
id like an actual comment......if i get ONE more comment from those advertising bastards i think im just gonna have to make society crumble a little faster, by blowing up a small proportion of it...(before America gets a chance to). and id really like to know who this anon. person is. tell me!! it getting boring!!

so yeah. how am i?
im quite well. went to rocky creek dam yesterday, with pokky.....it was really nice. we made ceasar salad to take...and we fought over strawerries.....mmmm strawberries
anyway. im the worst in te word, and completely forgot about the HSC performances...i tried to call maree, honest.....anyway. i suck

IM HAVING AN ALICE IN WONDERLAND "MAD HATTER TEA PARTY" FOR MY 18th...well, for one part of it anyway....
mum is making all the food (yes!!! i love mums cooking....) and yeah...i dunno itll be fun.
i have no idea what im doing with dad...he has somethig organised.

so yea i dont know

im feeling a little heartbroken about moving....but i guess i bitch abot that enough on this thing....
Rachel is going to bourke to governess....BOURKE!!?!?!?!? ill never see her again...and i miss her enough now....
i miss annika too......i hope you are well kiddo....

yeah i dont know. little miss indecisive strikes again!!!

its a little sad that i brought Tchaikovsky to mums......i was REALLY wanting to listen to it....and whats in side....no, not nothing....MOZART...so its not THAT bad....but i really wanted Tchaikovsky.

i saw pulp fiction, at last...its great...like the soundtrack i do i do

my greatgrandmother on my father's side turned 87 on friday....
oh yeah...happy birthday mitchell
well
yeah
au voir
hmmm cant remember if that is spelt right or not
xoxo

2005-09-09T13:54:00.000+10:00

im sitting in class, next to some looser, who has some liking for kenny rodgers.....he likes the music, or so it would seem.

its not good

help

silver moon's parkling

2005-09-08T10:17:00.000+10:00

happy. very, very happy. my life is going so well, there are many things to be very happy about. things are wonderful. (no im not taking ecstacy) things are pleasant and very wonderful.
im sad to see them change.

kiss me, beneath the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

breaking the girl

2005-09-01T20:46:00.000+10:00

Do you think that it could be considered strange to realise that you never asked yourself "who am i?".

I never asked myself that. I think I just presumed I knew.

I still presume I know. I know who I am.

The question is...What do I do with me?

slow burn, watching the world turn, from my arms

2005-09-01T11:37:00.000+10:00

god, for some reason Chopin is my life soundtrack at the moment.

for some reason i have developed a new love for Mozart. especially track 6. Concerto for Violin no 3 in G major, K 216: 2nd movement, Adagio there is a really nice violin solo in there....i wish i could play something as well as that. no, basically i wish i could play violin as well as that. oh well.
anyway.

for some reason today is the first day of spring. the smells. the colours! OH LOOK AT THE COLOURS CHILDREN!!!

for some reason here is a list of my favorite quotes from kids (cartoon) movies. bet you cant list them all:

"but your eyes ARE starlight"

"welease the secwet weapon!"

"im cold, im lost, and im hungry. and the beetle says that im ugly"

"they popped out of the snow, like daisies!!!"

"they're not stole, they're in the cupboard"

"then im a monkey's uncle"

basically im bored, and i have free time in IPT. the whole triple thus far, i have bben like "c'mon, giv us freetime"...and now i have no idea what to do with it!! carful what you wish for eh.

have fun. slow burn
xoxo

opium of the masses

2005-08-25T19:53:00.000+10:00

today i finnished my trial HSC exams...
pok is 21 on saterday. yay.

what is most remarkable about the people around me and the people i love and the people that love me and the people i hate and the people that hate me is that, often, they are the same people. and that sometimes, slightly less often, those people are all the same person. me. and yet, what continues to occurr is the suprise and the unexpected pleasure of finding these things out. theres nothing new under the sun, the opium of the masses, the uphoria of the crowds continues at much the same rate, as it always has, for mush the same reasons. the need to conform and fit in is taken advantage of, exploited. and well we deserve it. the need to have a leader to follow blindly into debt and all things forgoten. i went to theatre sports last night, and poks housemate Brodie made a wonderful point, unitentionally im sure, in a skit. she said somthing to the effect of: 'one day a man decided to do an experiment. he stood in the same spot, and stared in awe at thin air. eventually someone noticed and stood next to him, and stared at the same thin air. soon lots of people came and they all stood, close together, staring at the same blank spot. when there was a large group the first man walked a little away from the group, and faced them; pointing at them, and staring. Eventually someone else noticed him pointing and staring at the large group, so they he stopped and stared too. Soon ANOTHER huge group of people was standing there, staring at the big group of people staring at nothing.' opium of the masses. ecstasy of the people. uphoria of the crowds. bleating of the sheep.

hole lotta love

2005-08-18T19:30:00.000+10:00

according to Steinberg, "a bagel is a donut with a Jewish education....The thing that makes a bagel a bagel is that the dough is boiled then baked"

what if the dough were baked then boiled? a jewish educator with a donut? an educated Jew with a bagel? a jewish bagel with an educated donut?

im going insane.

she laughs too easily and cries too hard

2005-08-16T12:21:00.000+10:00

i have come back to this same spot again. its funny the little habits we get into. ever day i come to this same spot, stand the same place, to study a girl. she is either very self conscious, or she has a strong, self assured, quiet, confidence. she is young. i want to know how she got here. why she is the way she is. why she stands this way, dresses like that; why does she smile so big? her eyes are clear, as though she has just seen the direction she wants to go, and even knows how to get there, but still has the pleasure of the uncertanty of what she might find at the end. how will she end? will she be missed? she coveres her face, but i can still see right through her. she is not shy, she is unsure.
she stares. at me. why wont she turn away? i look at her. study her hard. she stares. she is in my way. she doesnt move. if i were a better person, id ask her what was wrong. there seems to be something wrong. her brown eyes follow my on eye-line. she traces my frame with her eyes. she knows somthing i dont. she stares. i still am unsure if i should ask her her name; if i should introduce myself, or simply walk away. do i hold her and tell her to stop crying? do i walk past like i dont notice? she smiles through her tears. do i smile back, or am i already smiling and she is smiling back at me? we step towards each other. she doesnt say a word. neither do i. she is short, brown hair; she is wearing jeans- the same as mine. she brushes the hair out of eyes. i can see her clearly now. i recognise her- she is hurt. she is happy. right now, i like her. shes a friend. though, there are times when i just want to smash her. but they say thats seven years bad luck.

"charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting"

2005-08-15T20:27:00.000+10:00

aahhh
what do i have to say? not much really...as per usual. i do however have some movies to tell you about...i tried to talk about them the other night but, well...see previous!

-"kiss kiss (bang bang)"- its a cute movie with the Penn guy who isnt Sean Penn...and the guy who plays the poet in a Knight's tale...(which was crap). but this is really good, and has a fabulous soundtrack...and its loosley about hitmen.

-"The tango lesson"- which turned out to be a sally potter movie, with the director, writer and main actor being sally potter. its weird, like her movies ive seen thus far (eg Orlando). but it has some hot tango in it. unfortunately the music wasnt as raunchy as i had hoped...but you get that

-"Mallrats"- this the funniest movie i have seen in a good long time...it was hilarious. Kevin Smith (writer/director/silent bob) is brillinat. If you've seen/enjoyed Clerks, dogma, chasing amy, or Jay and Silent bob strike back, then you will love this one...its pretty good. its very offensive though. in true kevin smith style...its good anyway

-"Ghost World"- this was pretty good too. Scarlet Johanson (*growls*) shes hot. there are some mad outfits in this...its pretty funny too. but seeeing as i watched it at about 1:00 in the morning you may not find it draged on as much as i did. its got a cool opening scene where a crazy chick in a mask dances to psycho 20's music...

i also saw "the three penny opera"...which i didnt enjoy as much as what i had hoped...but it lived up to the "theatre company's standards...it had mac the knife in it.

this weekend i discovered a new love for NERD...its sexy. very well produced.
i dont realy have anything more to say...except perhaps express my fear for the up-comming trials.

note to self: get birthday present for boyfriend's 21st

"She's sexy...she wants to move"

"not a mother, not a friend, but a women..."

2005-08-14T10:32:00.000+10:00

fuck fuck fuck....i just deleted my entire entry, just before i published it.
fuck that!!

yahy

2005-08-13T10:28:00.000+10:00

today, i have some very ineteresting news....well i find it interesting. well...anyway today i finnished my very last assignment forver (for school anyway)
thats all.
just think youd like to know.
maybe not.
love you all
ps mitchell- nice comeback to my communism comment...
xoxox

most everybody's mad here...

2005-08-09T13:27:00.000+10:00

good evening dear hearts.

i am in the finest of moods. and might i just add, what a "Fine name philbert is". ok, so you have to know my mum and i to get that...i wonder how the darling is.

"The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- natured, she
thought: still it had verylong claws and a great many teeth, so she felt
that it ought to be treated with respect."

I wish i was a cheshire cat. i will be one day. i have decided. i will be a cheshire cat. forget university. pfft- there would be less need for psychologists if there were more chershire cats about. dont you agree? if there are bo cheshire cats, maybe some normal, less exuberant, cats, thats smiled more....like they do when they are lying in your lap, in the sun, listening to you read alice in wonderland to them. i love my cat. yes. i shall be a cheshire cat.

`Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; `but a grin without
a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever say in my life!'

indeed. i cant think of a better world really...

`Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was a real Turtle.'
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on
his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then
Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once
a week: he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'

i dont know sometimes. i do so desperately wish that i did not exist sometimes. then it would be eaier to feel as though i dont. understand? it would be easier and better understood to be melodramatic, and odd. it would be easier to be slightly misunderstood by everyone, because everyone else is odd, melodramatic and slightly misunderstood, and you are loved by all. and you love all. and noone thinks you are strange.

however, seeing as that is not about to happen...ill just have to continue being the silly thing that i am...i love my life

i am happy.

"parting is sich sweet sorrow, that i shall say goodnight until it be morrow"

2005-08-06T13:20:00.001+10:00

my last english assignment was handed in today. the last one forever. FOREVER!!! (of course now im going to become and english teacher and do it the rest of my life....touch wood)

mmmm

i have to say one of the greatest movies(...well to me) is "William Shakespears Romeo and Juliet"- baz luhrman movie. i love it. it is so well done. Leo plays a good pric and Clair plays a good 'pathetically- in-love-too-soon-obsession'... i have notices though, that Leonardo is soaking wet about 75% of the movie....must be some fettish of baz....frankly i think they have some of the nicest and most romantic (i hate the way that word has become derrogative) scenes in cinema history. You could probably quote 1000 movies moreso, but i just like the way its done. Kick ass sound track and brilliant casting...i like it anyway.

how am i feeling today? i am quite well i suppose. i got my hair cut...but it looks about the same. kinda dissapointed, but it was a miscommunication from both ends, im over it though. i was gonna go back, but basically i couldnt be bothered.

ok back to how im feeling. im tired. ive had a big few weeks, and its starting to hit home. i miss a lot of people at the moment. my Annika, my scout, bek..aint heard from her for a while. i dunno. its like somone you know goes away or somthing, then they are gone, and you never really forget them but they are gone. then one day something happens, and you remember them. you remeber you miss them. you have lasted till now, and you'll keep on lasting, but there is something small inside you that cries. and it keeps on crying. you cant hear it at foirst, you'll hear a whimper every now and then, but then one day it howls and wails, the most desparing noise you'll ever hear, like the sound of a heart breaking, or the sound of a newely widowed woman, or the distant whimper of a lost soul. then you hear it, and there is nothing you can do to compfort that cry. nothing in the world- but you push on, and eventually she quiets down again. you forget your little crier again, for a while. there are so many people who are gone, who i really cared for, who ill never see again. so amny people who, though i may see them again some time, will never mean the same thing...such is life i suppose. i just hope that they all know exactly how much i love and respect them; how much i miss them. i would love to talk to at least one of them again. people who have only recently left, people who left me a long time ago. anyone.

i love revisiting the past. you remember so much... the human mind really is a fascinatingly scary thing. but on- charge on!!!

hmmmmm i was thinking the other day...about things. and i want to know things. you know? im curious. i want to know my world. All of it. i dont want to regret not knowing something. i want to enjoy everyone i have while i have the chance in every possible way. "i want to see you shine with every possible radiance..." i love my life, i really do.
there is a lot i dont know. a lot i dont want to know. and a lot i do want to know. would it be wrong? to learn everything i can? self preservation, important. enjoying yourself as much as possible, also important. being happy, necessary.

it is hard to persuade people that christianity is the true religion, when so many of us are cruel, and miserable and hauty and arrogant and mean and dead. so many of us are dead. they breath they eat they scream they shout hate they cry and they sing praise to God, but they are all dead, they are not happy, they are sad, alone and convinced they are free. i strive to not be like that. i believe in a God that enjoys watching us, and doesnt mind if we laugh, or act like an idiont in public (other then singing dodgy 'christian' songs in the middle of the street). but then, thats just me. some people say im a fake christian...im happy though. and i have my faith and i like it...and it hurts when you pinch me- so i guess im alive...

i cant take my eyes off you
i cant take my eyes off you
i cant take my eyes off you
i cant take my eyes off you
i cant take my eyes....

so give me a light or give me a drink, just give me a reason to feel what i think

2005-08-05T05:04:00.000+10:00

What is it that is so horrible about prolonging the inevitable…?

Hmmm, today is not going too badly. I am currently in IPT…. ‘researching’ my assignment. Pffft who cares about multimedia systems and animation anyway???

But you know. I cant complain. I am happy. Intensely bored, but still quite happy. I am teaching matt how to dance and hanging with him on Saturday, and Sat. night im having dinner with Pok. Hmm.

Well I don’t have anything of interest to say now. Perhaps I will have something incredible happen to me today so I have something interesting to blog about tonight.?? Unlikely- hence my new found hate for prolonged inevitability.

there you are, right in front of me, yeah my half cup and me

2005-08-04T10:05:00.000+10:00

Today has been an interesting day. Indeed, it has been an interesting week. I have managed to glean a number of secrets from a number of people. Eye opening secrets. Of course I shan’t write them here, or anywhere. They were disclosed to me as a secret and they shall remain as such.

I got some more application forms for Uni.

I got an email from Annika. God I miss you. I miss our fucked up theories too….tehehe here’s a new one: "church is like communism, it only works in theory and is a disaster in the wrong hands."
What you reckon??? Hehehe

But, besides missing my soul mate and having a whole lot of work to do in the next few weeks…I am quite well…and happy…and excited. (yes)

I don’t have much more to say.
Enjoy life kids!!!

Be silly be honest be kind
Be missed be loved be happy
Be good be wise…believe.

2005-08-02T14:08:00.000+10:00

...yes or no? yes or no? heads or tails? yes or no? god....i dont know. yes.
but then. no. yes? no?
pros and cons.

in a completely unrelated matter:
in two weeks i will have finnished all of my assignments. ALL OF THEM. then i have no more....for a while- then i go to uni, but im sure thats different. im assured it is...

im not sure what to make of the whole cliche of my life being ahead of me and such...ugh!
"my life is just one big cliche"

yes?

Hmmm. what has happened of interest lately? not much. I HAVE PAIN KILLERS.....MWAHAHAHA! ahh, i am quite opposed to drug, as they have a sever tendancy of destroying people's lives, but damn they do a good job!

no?

flipping the coin is a great way of deciding whether or not you should do somthing, etc. and the reason why it is so effective is because if you flip it, and do not like the outcome, you know that you really want the other, and so you can do it in good conscious. however, it is flawed. when you flip the coin, "heads" and say "once more" you get the other, "tails" and say "best two out of three" (you continue flipping "best 3 out of 5" and so on) you are still completely confused, undecided and convinced that god is just playing you for the fool you really are.

so people say, "ask yourself a question relating to it, and the answer that immedialty pops out of your mouth is the true answer to your question". again, a flaw when nothing comes out of your mouth, or worse: "noyes" or WORSE: "djndjgnf".

so you write a list of pros and cons, mentaly of course, and you can think of no pros, or no cons. but you are still convinced you should or should not. logic says no, everyotherfrickenthing says yes.

another way i determine what i want is by asking one of my two closest, and most oppostie of friends. depending on the one i ask advice from, i will know what i want, because i can usually make an educated guess as to what they will say.

so you ask them BOTH, being completely undecided. they both say what you were expecting them to say, the opposite of one another. or WORSE: the opposiet of what they would normally say- effectivly swapping personalities for the conversation.

so you talk to people. of all classes, ages, sexes, religions, ethnic backgrounds, spots, and they all say somthing different. or WORSE: there is an even number of people saying "yes" and "no".

so you say to all of them "but what do i do (explaining the ethical crisis- or whatever it may be)?" and they say "i dont know". or WORSE: "its up to you- flip a coin"

so the horrible process starts all over again. i guess deep down you always know. its just getting that deep that is the problem. i like to think i know myself quite well. a lot better then what the vast majority of the world knows me- and yet, my dilema remains a dilema, and my question frustratingly unanswered.

why wont you run into the rain and play?

2005-08-01T03:32:00.000+10:00

how am i feeling this morning?
what day is it?- right sunday. um, im tired. in several different ways. one thing i will say is that period pain is possibly one of the most horrible things to wake up to of a sunday morning after a fairly late night. god. i swear its a prelude to contractions, child birth, all those other things i have to look forward to. i am in a pretty good mood considering.
i feel as though this weekend has gone forever. it was not a bad weekend, it was quite a good weekend; but i feel more exhausted then when i finished school at the end of the week. it was the kind of week when you say to someone on monday: "God! its only tuesday isnt it!"

i saw some pretty good movies this weekend:
- "La Vita E Bella" (life is beautiful)- fabulous movie, its really good, italian fable (in italian)
-"Frida", i really liked it, it was quite beautiful to watch, and not just coz of selma hayek. although i must say, i thought it would be more disturbing then what it was- i remember being increadibly disturbed when we did a case study on her for art.
-"Vatel" its a true story they reckon, it was quite spectacular, the decadence of 17th century france! (but its in english)
go watch them!! tell me what you reckon

um. pok made mum, jessica (sister) jamie (ex housemate) and i a roast dinner out at his place last night. it was REALLY good. and im not just sying it coz hes my boyfriend, it was really really yummy. (i peeled the potatoes). im still feeling a little fazed from our talk we had the other night, but i guess ill get over it.

well, better call scout.

2005-07-27T13:19:00.000+10:00

Live on. Dream fast. Breath Deep. Be strong.

2005-07-27T07:22:00.000+10:00

"doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal dared to dream before"

--"The Raven", Egdar Allen Poe

i am a twisted beauty...emancipated and rarefied.

2005-07-25T12:27:00.000+10:00

there is something so right about being happy. about holding another. about them holding you back. about knowing that people love you. about you loving them right back. about smiling at people. about having a smile returned. about friends, lovers, fathers, mothers.

i am happy. i am free. i am twisted. i am beautiful.

to say goodbye will hurt.

hold me closer tiny dancer....

2005-07-21T14:01:00.000+10:00

today my littlest sister turned 12. (for those who dont know, i have two little sisters, one recently 15 and the other now 12.)

i can remember when i was 12. i remember thinking the boys in my class were so manly. i look at the boys in Danielle's class...they are so cute, small, etc. not manly. of course, looking at the boys i know, that are my age...well one day i'll laugh about them too...

hmmm

im in quite a good mood. Got some flowers the other day. flowers are nice...Iceland Poppies...VERY nice....

i made quite a number of people increadibly uncomfortable yesterday. i didnt mean to, and i had a great time, but i could tell everyone else wasnt feeling the love, and there was nothing i could do. it wasnt deliberate, not in the least...but it happened, and i feel really bad. all concerned assure me that they are over it, and that all first meetings are awkward, and that it was thier fault for not being quite as 'unawkward' as possible...but thats not the point. i still feel bad. ill get over it, and i will try my very hardest not to put people in that situation again...

but still, i had a great time. my other little sister, Jessica, My boy and my bud...i had a blast....

ummm, what else should i say?

um. i think thats about it.

dancing away

like nobody notices

spinning around

like nobody cares

eyes open, crying

arms open, waiting

lights on, burning

hold me closer tiny dancer....

just a little longer

2005-07-19T00:56:00.000+10:00

well, well, well. it really is suprising how i continue to blog with so little to actually say. Nothing of much consequence, nothing of much importance, nothing of much interest...still i enjoy it! thats the main thing. I really enjoy this.

Today i pulled out my B.O.W. from last year, im going to improve it, and in some cases, finish it. looking at it after a time i can see what i should have done, but also what i did well. My topic was obesiety, and how it can affect, and destroy someones life. I based it on a girl who wants to be a ballerina, but obviously cannot. i think i ended up calling it "Shattered Dreams". She is overdosing on prozac in one painting and in the other she is looking at several different mirrors, some reflecting an overexhaggeration of her, and some showing what she would love to look like. The main one is a full frontal nude...my christian school didnt like it much. i was allowed to show it once, then too many people complained, so it got banned. i was pretty pissed...spending ALOT of time on something that wasnt even going to be able to be seen....oh well. In fron of the two paintings are nine sculptures. 8 of ballerinas thin and graceful, and one ver large one. i mad tutus for them all, and put ribbon around thier legs....it really took a long time. I miss art. i miss my art class. i still hang out with them, they are actually the group of girls i hang out with at school; but it is so very different in an art class room...more personal, more annoying really. we all hated each other, but we knew if we didnt have each other we would kill ourselves instead of each other....

Im glad to have somthing creative to work on again. i have no creative subjects this year, and i was starting to really bake a whale...

in case you are not stalking me, and do not know what the inside of my room looks like, it is yellow. But besides that, two walls are covered with posters, newspaper clipings and any intereting picture i can fine. Ranging from black and white shots of babies, to 75 year old women in latex to leunig cartoons to articles about einstein's brain....i really like my walls. I have a great big "Kill Bill Vol. 1" poster above my bed...she's pretty hot. Not that i much go for blonds. or women.

ITs relatively depressing fighting your little sisters off the phone and out of your room, just to go online, just to be met with an empty inbox and no one online...no one loves me.

I've lasted till now i will last a little longer.

its saturday afternoon, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of night, in the middle of my mind. but i cant find it

2005-07-17T09:00:00.000+10:00

*sighs*

another term begins, come monday. my last full term of school.
ah, life goes on.

today a good buddy of mine turned 18. Spent a really nice day at the beach with him and co. i aint got him a present yet though. i suck

i have noticed that people often address thier bloggs to either themselves or to the public. i am yet to decide which i shall choose. and being in a quite indecisive mood i doubt i will decide today. why should i have to decide anyway? i can leave it up to the people reading it, whether it be me or you. free form. line of consciousness. i like it. i will. she has.

Massive attack is great. "Teardrop"-wonderful.
have i got anything exciting to tell you? any ranuchy expose? anything at all? no, not as such.
depressing? i hear you ask, not really. no news is good news right?

"....fearless on my breath..." loves it!

anything more to say? other then the fact that chemical bros. rocks hard core, i doubt it.

i wonder how she is going. i miss her. i am used to missing her. Actually. i miss him too. i wonder how he is going. i dont usually miss him like this. perhaps he is growing on me...perhaps. stranger things have happened.

"water is my eye, most faithful mirror...."

today today

2005-07-15T13:18:00.000+10:00

today i found out that one of my best friends is going to be away for my 18th....this is sad.
today i randomly bumped into an old friend who i have decided i really miss.....this is also sad.
today i got some application forms for UNE, ill be gone this time next year......this is tremendously sad
Today i decided that im looking forward to my life, though its scarey and kinda weird. Frineds move, and then move further away, i move and then move further away.

today i am, one day i will be.

"Life is simply lovely if you are simple enough to love it"

i am no one of great consequence

2005-07-13T14:15:00.001+10:00

hmmmm, wellity wellity

I am probably moving. In a few months, but soon. Too soon. I seriously doubt i can look after myself, ill try, but i aint never really done it before. I feel too young, much too young.
i realise there are so many people i am going to miss, people who i hope are going to miss me. i feel torn. Stay with family and friends, or go and live my own silly existance? Im looking forward to Uni, Coffs, new people, but i am suddenly so happy here.

My Dad, forever devoted to me; My little sisters...i dont know what ill do without them to protect, my identity is almost completely made in being a big sister. Mum. My friends...Bek, Christy, Maree, Christanie, Amanda, Matty, all of them.
i am so happy here, i dont want to go.

Plenty of my other friends have done it. Two of my closest...and they were younger then me. But they wanted to, there was not much keeping them...their lives lay ahead.

Security is cruel. I am happy and secure in myself, and my world, and now im going to change it all. It has to happen. There is a chance i wont get in. i just might fail the HSC and stay here, but then ill regret much. Too much

it doesnt matter, ill go and live and be happy, or not. and enjoy it, or not. but ill have done it.
I am no one of great consequence and no one will know, many will care, but soon, no one will know...